


To Be Loved By You

by Jld71



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Kissing, M/M, Past Abuse - Not Between J2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:40:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28088631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jld71/pseuds/Jld71
Summary: Jared recalls meeting Jensen and Jensen’s revelation about his past.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Comments: 24
Kudos: 179





	To Be Loved By You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [deadflowers5](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadflowers5/gifts).



> Written for the 2020 spn_j2_xmas exchange  
> Recipient: deadflowers5  
> Beta: rocketmojo  
> Based on the prompt: J2 AU, one of the Js having a traumatic background (bad relationship, or even PTSD), the other helping him through it. Angst, hopefully happy ending. (I really like a good angst story)

Jared and Jensen had been friends for a while before he had finally made the move to ask Jensen out. They shared a mutual group of friends, having met Jensen through them one day when Christian Kane and his boyfriend, Steve Carlson had invited him over for a cookout. The weather had been perfect that day; not too hot and not too cold. The sun had been shining brightly and he had been instantly taken by the green-eyed man when he had looked up from the deck chair he was sprawled in to see him bathed in the soft rays of the afternoon sun. He had been in mid-sentence, his words faltering when his eyes rested on the unknown man Christian was hugging. 

“Jared?” Steve had questioned when he realized Jared had stopped speaking in favor of watching the exchange between Chris and Jensen.

“Who’s that with Chris?” Jared had found himself asking as he straightened in the chair, and leaning forward in interest, forgetting about whatever else he and Steve had been going back and forth on in their previous conversation. 

“That, my friend, is Jensen. Let me introduce you two.” Steve stood, giving Jared a strange, almost quizzical look as Steve studied him for a moment before calling Chris and Jensen over. He had forgotten about the look until some time later; a few months into his friendship that was slowly turning into a budding romantic relationship with Jensen, when both Chris and Steve had asked him to meet them for a beer. He hadn’t thought much of the invitation until he was sitting across from them, beer in hand, as he studied them. They looked worried, something he had never experienced from them before. They never seemed to have a care in the world, but at that moment, they both looked like they had the weight of the world on their shoulders. “What’s going on?” he finally questioned as the silence between them grew until he found himself uncomfortable with it, shifting in his seat, his right leg bouncing up and down as it tended to do when he was nervous. He watched as Chris and Steve exchanged a furtive glance between them before Chris heaved a heavy sigh, causing him to meet Chris’ blue eyes. 

“Listen, you’re a good guy…” Steve started to say before Jared cut him off.

“I don’t need you kissing my ass, just say what you’re here to say.”

Chris chuckled and shook his head. “Okay, it’s like this, you hurt Jensen, and I’ll kill you.”

“Well, don’t beat around the bush. I mean, I’m not sure what you’re getting at or how you feel about me,” Jared drawled as he raised his beer bottle to his lips, taking a sip of beer as he tried to make sense of where this conversation was heading and why they were even having it. Had Jensen said something to them? Chris was Jensen’s best friend after all. But that didn’t make sense; why would Jensen say anything to them? He and Jensen hadn’t had an argument, not even raised voices between them. As he set his beer down, he looked up to see Jensen approaching their booth, a look of apprehension on his face marring his good looks. “Jensen,” he said as he looked over Chris’ shoulder.

Jensen offered Jared a weak and worried smile as he looked at him and then Chris and Steve. Tugging on Chris’ sleeve, he leaned in, speaking in a hushed tone. “Can I speak to you and Steve?” He stepped away, giving both men a moment and the space needed for them to join him. 

As much as Jared wanted to get involved, he knew he needed to stay out of things. Whatever was going on, if Jensen wanted him involved, Jensen would let him know. Jensen was an adult and he would let Jensen handle his affairs on his own. He watched as Jensen, Steve, and Chris spoke in hushed tones, with Jensen looking over at him every once in a while. Sitting back in the booth, he offered Jensen a dimpled smile whenever Jensen glanced his way. At one point he heard Jensen raise his voice, causing him to sit up straighter as Jensen’s voice carried over to him, “I can’t believe you, Chris, you had no right.” He gripped his beer bottle tightly between clenched fingers waiting for their conversation to end. He could see anger and protectiveness warring in Chris’ blue eyes when Chris glanced over at him. He watched as Steve offered him a sympathetic smile before Steve grabbed Chris by his left wrist, pulling him toward the bar as Jensen approached the booth. 

“Is everything alright?” he questioned as Jensen slid into the booth sitting opposite from him rather than with him as Jensen typically did when they were out together with others. Glancing up from Jensen’s green eyes, he could see Chris and Steve sitting at the bar trying their best not to appear as if they were watching them. Even from where he was sitting he could feel Chris' apprehension and see that Chris was fighting against the urge to walk over to them, making him wonder what was causing Chris to be so protective over when it came to Jensen. He hadn’t done anything that he could think of to upset Jensen in the time they had been seeing each other. 

Jensen sat across from Jared, with his hands clasped together, resting on the table in front of him. Slowly he nodded his head in response to Jared’s question. He jolted when Jared’s larger hands came to rest over his clasped ones, but didn’t pull away as was his first instinct. “I… I’m sorry about…” He glanced over at Chris and Steve and then up into Jared’s multicolored eyes. 

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” Jared offered, hoping to ease whatever was troubling Jensen. When Jensen remained silent, he leaned forward. “You can talk to me, you know. You can tell me anything.” He gave Jensen’s hand a light squeeze, hoping that would prompt Jensen to open up to him. When that didn’t, he felt a sense of dread begin to take root in his stomach. “Are we moving too fast?” When Jensen still wouldn’t say anything, he pressed on. “Are you here to break up with me? Is this what this is all about? Is that what Chris and Steve were trying to do? Set the stage, and soften the blow?” he asked as he began to withdraw his hands from Jensen’s, only to stop when Jensen grabbed onto his. He looked into Jensen’s eyes and saw fear in them, and something akin to a silent plea for understanding. 

“No, nothing like that, unless… unless that’s what you want?” Jensen asked fearfully and then bit his bottom lip. 

“No,” Jared countered with a shake of his head, causing his bangs to fall over his eyes, obscuring his sight of Jensen until he shook his head again. He wanted to push his hair from his eyes, but that meant he would need to pull away from Jensen and he could sense that would be the worst thing he could do at the moment. “So then what’s going on?”

“Chris is… He means well,” Jensen started to say and then took a deep breath. He looked over at the bar to see that his friends were still there, silently offering him support and at the ready should they need to step in on his behalf. He forced himself to look away and focus his attention back on Jared. “Before you, I was in a relationship, a bad one. I mean, we are in a relationship, right? We’re dating? Or we were?”

Jared could hear the uncertainty in Jensen’s voice. “We’re still dating,” he rushed to assure Jensen. He pulled his right hand away from Jensen, raised it to motion for the waitress when he saw Jensen flinch from his movement. Lowering his hand back to Jensen’s he rubbed his thumb over the back of Jensen’s hand. “When you say you were in a bad relationship…” He couldn’t get the words out, but when he looked into Jensen’s eyes, he saw so much pain reflected in them. 

“He was abusive,” Jensen responded in a near whisper as he turned his head away from Jared, his eyes resting on the dark wall of the booth they were sitting in. “Verbally abusive… I could never do anything right. I was never good enough for him. He had a temper. And he…” He hunched in on himself as he remembered what he had dealt with; never knowing if his boyfriend, Zach, was going to verbally lash out at him. Would it be a good night together or one where he was told over and over again how worthless he was? Or if he had to dodge not only insults but a slap to his face or a punch to his body. 

“And he hit you,” Jared supplied for him when Jensen’s voice faltered. He watched as Jensen nodded his head, but Jensen still wouldn’t look at him. “I don’t know who he is, but he’s an asshole. He didn’t appreciate what he had and he certainly didn’t deserve you.” His voice was firm but tender as he spoke, catching Jensen’s attention. When Jensen turned back to him, he saw tears glistening his long lashes. Gently he pulled his hands away from Jensen’s, reached up slowly as to not frighten him, and wiped away the unshed tears. “Is this what Chris was trying to tell me?” He glanced over at the bar to see that Steve was holding Chris back from walking over to them. He shook his head and turned his attention back to Jensen. “Let me guess, Chris was trying to be the protective best friend.” At that moment he felt overwhelmed with the knowledge that Jensen had trusted him enough to confide in him about his past and he was humbled that Jensen not only trusted him, but that Jensen had feelings for him, other than friendship. 

Jensen nodded his head in response. “Yes, yeah, he wanted me to be upfront with you, but he doesn’t want to see me get hurt again. I liked you the minute we met at the cookout. I thought you were really sweet. I still think you’re a sweet guy…”

“Liked?” Jared questioned as he cocked his head to the side, not missing what Jensen had said about liking him, past tense. He saw the confusion on Jensen’s face and smiled at him. “You said you liked me. Do you no longer like me?” he teased, trying to lighten the mood between them. 

Jensen felt his cheeks beginning to burn from embarrassment. “No, I still like you. But I’ll understand if you just want to be friends.” He raised his head so he was able to look at Jared needing to see Jared’s face and to see his reaction. “I don’t want things between us to end, but…” He gave a shrug of his shoulders as he fought to find the words to make it easier for Jared to end things with him. He had been honest when he had said he didn’t want things to end with Jared, but he was still fearful of being with anyone, especially since his breakup with Zach nearly a year ago. He hadn’t been looking for a relationship when he had met Jared. They had become friends first and what was between them was slowly growing into something more, or at least he hoped it would. Now, he wasn’t so sure. He and Jared hadn’t been dating long, but he really liked Jared. He didn’t want to lose him, not as his boyfriend and certainly not as a friend if that was all Jared wanted from him now that Jared knew he was damaged. 

“I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not interested in just being friends. I’m willing to take things between us as slowly as you need to go.” Jared saw the hopeful look in Jensen’s eyes and gave him a dimpled smile. “We started out as friends; I enjoy your company. I like being with you and I like calling you my boyfriend.” 

Jensen’s revelation had been nearly twelve months ago and they were still together. He had assured Chris, many times over that he would never hurt Jensen the way Jensen’s ex had. He knew he was indeed a very lucky man to be loved by Jensen. Things between them were good, really good, most of the time. But there were times when Jensen shied from him and his touch. Being aware of Jensen’s past relationship and what he had dealt with had helped him understand why Jensen flinched at times when he reached out to touch him. It explained why Jensen shut down when Jensen thought he was mad, especially when Jensen thought his anger was directed at him, which it never was. 

He had come home one night still angry from something that had happened earlier in the day at work. He had ranted to Jensen, in a loud voice, just needing to get it out of his system. When he had calmed down, he turned to find that Jensen's face was ashen, his eyes were wide and he was pressed up against the wall, with his arms covering himself protectively and he was shaking. It had taken him a moment to realize that Jensen was reacting to his anger and most likely reliving the hell he had experienced at the hands of his previous boyfriend. And the worst part for him was knowing he had frightened Jensen; that he had made Jensen fear him and fear for his safety. That night he had given Jensen the space and time he had needed until Jensen felt safe in his presence. 

Even now, when he had reached out for Jensen, wanting to hold him for a moment, he had managed to spook him. “I won’t hurt you,” Jared spoke softly, but firmly as he looked into Jensen’s wide green eyes. He could see the fear in them and it broke his heart to know that someone had hurt Jensen to the point of him flinching when someone went to touch him. He would never understand how Jensen had made it out of his previous relationship with his sanity still intact. Jensen was the strongest out of the two of them, that was one thing he was sure of. “I would never raise my hand to you. Not to hurt you, and never to hit you.” 

Jensen visibly swallowed several times as he tried to calm his thoughts. Jared had never hurt him. Jared had never raised his voice to him, let alone a hand to him. But he still had a hard time remembering that. He was always so fearful that he was going to be hurt again. That if he let his guard down the cycle of abuse wouldn’t start all over again. “I know,” he said in a shaky voice as he closed his eyes and leaned into Jared’s warm body, resting his head on Jared’s shoulder as Jared’s arms encircled him in a soothing embrace. “I know you never would. It’s just hard sometimes to let go of the past.” He took a deep breath, steadying himself, waiting for his hammering heart to return to its normal beat. 

“I love you, Jensen,” Jared murmured as he buried his nose in the crock of Jensen’s neck, inhaling Jensen’s familiar scent of his cologne, a spicy musk that reminded him of cinnamon that mixed well with his apple shampoo. It was a tantalizing scent that made his head spin, and he couldn’t get enough of the scent or Jensen. He heard Jensen’s breathing begin to regulate as Jensen relaxed into his touch and hummed in response, offering Jensen another soothing sound. He kissed along Jensen’s neck and felt Jensen shift in his arms, instinctively offering his neck to him.

“I love you too, Jared,” Jensen murmured as Jared softly trailed kisses down his neck. Jared was always so gentle with him and he couldn’t have asked for a better man in his life. “Why don’t we turn in for the night?” He pulled back from Jared, offering him a happy smile before taking Jared’s hand in his to lead him to their bedroom where they made quick work of shedding the clothing they had been wearing in favor of donning comfortable sleep pants and well-worn t-shirts. 

Pushing aside the comforter, Jared patted Jensen’s empty side of the bed and watched a shy smile play across Jensen’s plush lips. He waited patiently for Jensen to join him, Jensen snuggling into his arms and resting his head on his chest. Most nights that was how they fell asleep, entangled in each other’s limbs with the beating of his heart lulling Jensen to sleep. Tonight was no different as he kissed the top of Jensen’s head and heard Jensen murmuring softly to him that he loved him. He returned the sentiment, rubbing soothing circles on Jensen’s back until he heard Jensen’s breathing even out indicating that he had fallen asleep. As he lay there in their bed with Jensen tucked safely in his embrace, he was still amazed at times by Jensen’s strength and his courage to not give up, to not curl in on himself and forsake the offer of his love because of what someone had done to him in his past. And if he was given the chance by Jensen, he’d spend the rest of his life proving that he was worthy of Jensen’s love. 

**Author's Note:**

> Images found on Google.


End file.
